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How To Avoid Eviction If You Are Suspected Of Being A Crackhead

Avoiding eviction when your landlord suspects you of being a crackhead is easy when you take a tough approach to them and their attorneys.

Things You'll Need

Things You'll Need An Eviction Notice A Court Date A Power Suit with nice pantyhose and shoes if you are a woman

Step One

Show up for your court date in a power suit. If you are a hot chick and the opposing counsel is staring at you in a lustful way take note of that.

Step Two

Ask the opposing counsel what color underwear do you have on. They may reply that they don't know that you have any underwear on.

Step Three

You reply by saying exactly! Then ask, how can you see through walls and such to know that I was using drugs? The opposing counsel will say, I can't. This ought to shut up the opposing counsel.

Step Four

Say you are suing me on gossip, rumors and hearsay you can't tell me what underwear I have on because you can't see through my clothes! You are suing me for eviction for allegedly doing something down at trailer #17 and I live in trailer number three! You can't evict me for something that was allegedly going on at somebody else's house. You are not done with them yet. Now say how can you evict me for something that allegedly happened 15 doors down from me. You can't see through walls! I am not the one using crack it was my neighbor, not me. You cannot evict someone for being a crackhead when you don't know all the facts.

Step Five

As far as me being an imminent threat I have internal derangement of my bones and am no danger to anyone but myself. Then proceed to show them your neck surgeries and your back surgery due to your scardosis.

Step Six

You are still not done with them yet. Now say and furthermore the landlady is constantly coming down to my trailer and taking down license plate numbers. She is harassing my friends with that and is interfering with my quiet enjoyment of the property.

The judge or the opposing counsel will say something like, “Well, I am requiring $1,000 in court fees” now you will say something like No! I am not about to pay you $1,000 for something that you initiated and furthermore I have a few stipulations of my own. This unecessary harassment of the landlady or the management has been taking down the license plate numbers of everyone that comes to visit me. (In the real live case the white landlady who most people view as nothing but a cu_t anyway (the missing letter is n, just in case you were wondering :), said, “Well, that Black guy gets in there all the time.” Now let me tell you about that Black guy. He is my friend's sponsor and has been since 1998. He is a mortgage broker and has started a youth center in Central Islip, NY which is an area heavily populated by African-Americans and Hispanic people of all countries most notably Mexico, Puerto Rico, El Salvador and the Dominican Republic. So in a Black and Spanish neighborhood this man has created a youth center and recreation center with his own money just to keep the teenagers off drugs and off the streets. WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

Not only that but the guy is NAACP to boot! NAACP stands for the National Association For the Advancement of Colored People and is an old old organization that stands up for the rights of African-Americans. The chick that was being sued was 100% Irish and a fiery redhead at that, but since he was her sponsor for alcohol addiction, he promised to get the NAACP involved in this somehow. So he said that he would have his boys over there protesting the management and whatnot for the harassment that the trailer park's management and landlady has caused and that they will straighten this stuff out. She said, listen can you just let me pay my rent for this month and then you can bring your guys here to protest and picket and you can do whatever you want. The court will try to slap you with a $1,000 fine but you tell the court that you are not paying for some erroneous charges that you did not initiate in the first place. They will try to talk you down to paying $350.00 and six month's probation but you say that you have some stipulations of your own and mention the landlord harassment and them interfering with your quiet use of the property and then just wait. You should be able to get off without any probation or court fees.

Only go on and on like this if your attorney likes the way that you are presenting yourself and that you are always three steps ahead of the opposing counsel. It also helps if it looks like you may have missed your calling as an attorney.

In this particular trailer park, the management keeps denying buyers that are mainly Black men and interracial couples. I know of one couple where the man was a short Black man with a tall thin overweight white Blonde who repeatedly asked me how could she get into this trailer park and she keeps getting denied and I said I don't know then she said I work and so does he meaning her man that she had with her. So I said you have to buy the trailer and they pay rent of say $585.00 a month. I played like I didn't know that they were rejected because her man was black and they weren't married at the time.

You know, come to think of it, I had a Black man that helped me move into my trailer and I had just met him that day. I did not know him from Adam and actually he was a friend of a friend. The guy moved my furniture into my house that day nine years ago and I haven't seen him since. When he was in my neighborhood my white neighbors treated him badly and they were like freaking out that a Black man was in their neighborhood! I couldn't get over it!

It's not like he was my man or anything, I had just met him that day and actually he had a son about three years old with him at the time so it was not like I was going to get with that if you know what I mean. So maybe they just don't like Black men in this neighborhood but they definitely will rent a trailer to a single Black woman. Hmmm, maybe they think that Black women are less of a threat than a Black man. You know, people just don't seem to realize that people in trailer parks have tenant's rights. Go to Google.com and type in tenant's rights or eviction sometime and read up on it. It is fascinating.

Photo/Video Credits

* Microsoft Word Clip Art, doverpublishing.com, Photobucket.com

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